fufaraw: (Default)
Name the tv show you have become addicted to. Supernatural, of course. Was there any doubt?

Also, I think it's a combination of the forward movement while we're taking a drive (as opposed to approaching a destination) plus the Old Folks' music (atmospheric, no lyrics) we tend to listen to. But I had a near-religious experience this afternoon suddenly hearing Yo Yo Ma and Bobby McFerrin dueting on Concerto in D Minor for 2 Mandolins, RV. 532: Andante. Album, Hush, ordered. MINE!
fufaraw: (Linus pumpkin)
I live with several physical ailments--none lifethreatening, just distracting and exhausting. Tiresome to talk about, to explain to a doctor, doctors, specialists. So far I'm managing to avoid taking organ-damaging drugs, maintaining with avoidance diet and OTC pain meds.

And then there are the chronic mental-emotional glitches. I'm fiercely introverted, I have ADHD (inattentive. What were you saying?), and am mildly autistic. Traits I've learned to leverage as hyperfocus = productivity, and compartmentalizing.

I got some bad family news this week, and my inevitable self-castigating thought is, "if I'd been there, I could have done something before this happened." But I wasn't, because I had other debts to pay, so chips are falling, no matter what I do.

I see Jared work with programs that help people, and encourage and support people--Always Keep Fighting! And often, my response is, but why? I will admit that life has its moments, its clear vision, its lung-expanding deep breaths, its joyous sounds. Sometimes those things combine to create a pocket of real happiness, contentment, joy.  Those times are precious, and I treasure them. But the problem is white-knuckling it from one of those moments to the next, and I can't help weighing the payoff against the payment, evaluating the bargain.

We ran away from home today, OH and I, on a gorgeous sunny fall day. We were driving through farm country--vast blue skies and rafts of fluffy white clouds over fields gilding in the sun. Conversation was sparse today. We spar and argue and play devil's advocate with each other, egg each other on, but we're good quiet together, too, and today was quiet. I suddenly was aware <a href=https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=tightropetb&p=david+darling> this piece of music was playing. My favorite instruments in the world are oboe and cello--piano and guitar are distant third and fourth. As I closed my eyes and slipped into the music, suddenly I felt myself floating, soaring, above the fields, eye level with the treetops and horizon mountains, warm breeze cradling me, stroking my skin. I turned to OH, "I could fly quite a while on this music." He smiled, and I turned back to my window, aware now of the tears slicking my cheeks.

I guess you could call it a moment of grace. I've ordered the CD. May it make the spaces between a little easier.
fufaraw: (J2)
We have snow depth markers along most of the roadways here, just posts with blue reflectors on top. As we stopped for a turn today, I noticed one of them, standing bare and alone with a sea of daisies around its foot. Seasons do turn.
fufaraw: (J2)
Took a drive in the country this afternoon. There was a runner along the shoulder, and I automatically checked if it was a child or senior citizen--nope. Nice, easy lope, surefooted, long legs, broad shoulders, black sweats, maroon hoodie, black ball cap on backwards. Dark hair, pretty flush on cheeks. And I realized I wasn't wearing my sunglasses when I got a nice half-grin and a hand raised in salute. I got caught looking too long--sorry not sorry. Oh you delicious Clark Kentish young morsel, you. You made my whole afternoon!
fufaraw: (J2)
In one of our countryside rambles in the car yesterday, OH and I came upon the Big Rock Cafe (no bigger rock than usual in sight, however. Maybe they had to remove it to build the place), with gas pumps alongside. Lettered along the eave of the building was the legend, "Eat here and get gas." *rimshot*
fufaraw: (highway to hell)
After watching tonight's ep, I've been bopping around the house singing under my breath, "Two good ol' boys, behind the wheel, trackin' down bad guys in Lucille. ...Two good ol' boys, behind the wheel, trackin' down bad guys in Lucille."  My mind, she is a random and scary place.
fufaraw: (J2)
To the lab before breakfast for fasting blood draw, after pounding water last night and this morning. Waiting room unusually full, and after awkward silence, someone mentioned "dog", and we all fell into discussion of dogs. At no point did I feel it appropriate to shrug, "But I'm a cat person," because I love dawgs, too. One of the wait-ers breeds and raises Shelties, and she had a pic on her phone of her brood--SO CUTE!!

The bruise is nearly faded from the last draw--the tech is careful and as quick as she can be, I just have tiny, squiggly, wriggly veins. She had to fan the needle under the skin last time, unsuccessfully searching for the vein, thus the spectacular bruise. But I usually bruise if you blow hard on me, so I'm not the ideal confidence-builder for a phlebotomist. She asked which location paid off last time, and we started on the back of the left hand. OW. She managed to get enough for one of five tests. Then to the left inner elbow, where the bruise lingers, and she got enough for one more test. Finally, the right inner elbow yielded enough for the remaining three tests.

OH put a cup of coffee in my had before I was out of the chair, and we set off on a drive down a sun-dappled leafy cliffside drive. A half peanut butter sandwich each, with a banana as backup, and we were good. We meandered to Deception Point, and across the bridge, a nod to the rock where we scattered our son's ashes, and on to Whidbey and Ebey Point. We parked and watched a handful of guys flail the water with fishpoles and lines, saw a fish jump, listened to the surf roll in, basked in the sun, and watched the dazzle on the water. Heaven. Then back through Coupville (a nod to Sally's shop), and along Madrona Way. We wandered, "lost," up a private road to try and get a better look at a house with an interesting roof we can only glimpse from the road, but it's shrouded in blackberry vines and hidden, so we did *not* drive up the driveway and pretend to have the wrong address.

We were going to stop for lunch in Oak Harbor, but the restaurant is no more, so we came home and had a late lunch, did eyedrops and "morning" meds (oops), and a few small chores, and now I'm catching up on the internetz. We're all fine here, how are you?
fufaraw: (J2)
In addition to all the lovely fic I've been marking "to read later" so as to keep focused on getting my BB done by post date, I reeeeeally hope Mad Max: Fury Road is still on the big screen anywhere near me when I'm done. I need to see it wall to wall, at least one more time. Really. big. carrot.
fufaraw: (J2)
Man, this is the *third* post--LJ's swallowed the other two.

I just wanted to apologize for being so thin on the ground hereabouts of late. I've kind of had my head down. I pulled the trigger on my BB draft and got a confirmation email back. Man, Wendy must be seeing double by now, with all the last-minute influx. Anyhoo, all that's left to do now is, um, write it into a thing that's actually readable. By people. Alons-y!

To celebrate, OH and I went out for a long drive yesterday, stopped for ice cream but the lines were oh hell no long, and you know, neither of us actually needs ice cream anyway.

I did get to rescue a kitten--small child running, kitten grasped in both hands around shoulders and chest, wee head bobbing at every step, hindparts swinging to and fro. I asked politely if I could hold the kitten, and tucked it up close into my (comparatively) massive and (very) protective chest, cradled its backside and hooked my chin above its head, making of my body a mama-cave for the kitty. I believe I was on the point of achieving purrs, when the parent of the child appeared, and I surrendered the kitty with apparent good grace. The dialog in my head, however, was running: Other Human, how much cash you got on you? okay, your $37.48 and my $12.75--"I will give you $50, cash, right now, for this kitten." We can pick up litter, litterbox, and food on the credit card, and find a vet who accepts installment payment.

But the dialog stayed inner, and the kitten went away. To compensate for the sadness, OH drove me by the koi pond supply place to pay annual homage to the Empress tree in bloom. I will not attempt to add a picture, since that has crashed le El Jay twice. I will tell you that it is a candelabra tree, with wide-spaced branches and hyooge honkin' leaves, that has blossoms that look like upside down wisteria blooms. We used to see them volunteer in NC, mostly grown up through the middle of roofless abandoned buildings. But here they're ornamentals, planted on purpose to show off their shape and leaves and flowers. Pretty trees.

So, I am back. I've tried to keep track, even if I haven't been chatty. Tell me if there's stuff I missed. I missed *being* chatty. Hi!

And, along with not being able to embed a photo, or read comments on other people's posts, apparently I can't choose a tag from my personal tags. What up with that, ElJay?


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