Not a good day

I"ve been sort of thin on the ground today. I got word late last night that someone I've known online for more than a decade, someone with whom I've shared fandoms and personal hobbies and interests, and also argued as well as politely discussed, for whom I was always on the lookout for images for her fandom websites, someone who was a friend, as surely as if we'd spent time in the same physical space, she was found dead in her apartment, having died sometime over the weekend.

It's been a day of gathering in internet space with others whose lives she touched, to reminisce, to search old drives for photos to upload and share, to tell stories and ask questions and mourn together. It's been cathartic, but the reason for it sucks, and at the center of it is a huge open wound that won't ever close. She was a good part of my life for a good part of my life. And I'm not ready to let her go.